I used to think to myself, “THANK GOD I don’t look like what I’m going through…”.

Now days I’m like “$#%@h did you not hear me say I’m struggling”? LMAO, excuse the language, but can I get real?

The past few months have been quite the test. I’ve had to walk on ice, eggshells, and even walk through the fire it seems. I’ve had to fall on my face in prayers to ask…well, actually beg for God’s mercy. I’ve had to face humility and take a few L’s. I’ve had to uncomfortably hustle.

In my latest blog “Document: Adjusting in Atlanta”, I’ve shared a few of my personal roadblocks, as well as frustrations. I’ve found that despite all the mess I was going through, God blessed me with a GLOW!

In fact, as I was enduring my many growing pains, there were many times I wanted to be angry. I wanted to be vengeful and give back the same energy being presented to me.

Without being told, I found myself turning the other cheek. I decided not to complain [well my close friends heard it all], but adjust and solve each problem the best way I knew how.

From walking away from someone I thought was a best friend, to dealing with betrayal from strangers. I found myself losing control more and more everyday, but  somehow I remained with a GLOW…

One day I found myself getting frustrated. Like maybe I’m being too nice. Maybe you’re taking too much ownership, because no one else is owning up to their bullshit, and by you taking up your faults, you’re drawing all the attention to yourself. Maybe you’re being too considerate of others who honestly don’t give a shit about you… [Excuse my language…but can we get real?]

Well on this good day, I also had a friend share with me part of a recording from her bible study that week. The pastor said something along the lines of “..you’re not weak, you’re just operating in God’s peace..”. It was in that moment that I realized, my spirit was still aligned with God’s grace, God’s peace. I didn’t have it in me to be angry about the things that everyone swore to me they would’ve handle in a messy way.

Again, still losing control and taking the punches, I’ve remained with a GLOW…

One day I cried so bad and took a look into the mirror and felt completely ashamed of myself. I told my boyfriend how I felt so ugly and how I’m just tired. My eyes were red and I rubbed off my mascara, my eyebrows weren’t filled in, I looked a hot mess!

But somehow he still saw beauty in me. Chances are he was just gassing me up as a boyfriend should when you’re down, but for whatever reason he saw my GLOW…

On another day, I had to go into my supervisor’s office to explain a mistake I made, but before I could get to it, she let me know, “I believe in you and your success…” Although we had to get through some negative feedback, she saw my GLOW…

So why do I share all of this? Well sometimes people like myself are going through hell, or at least it seems that way. Sometimes many of us are strong because literally that’s our only option.

As a matter of fact, there was one day I had someone compliment me for being strong, instead of taking it as a compliment, I felt insulted. Why? Because sometimes people get tired of being strong. Sometimes despite our internal GLOW, we just need a hug, or a day with no responsibilities. Although we may be doing just fine problem solving to get through, we just need a hug or a phone call just to pray. Sometimes what may seem as a congratulations, may simply be just a breath of fresh air.

So if you have a friend that you see going through it, but still has a GLOW…Remember to still check in. Recognize when you see someone operating in anxiety, and if you can, offer an activity that drives relief-relaxation.

If you’re the person GLOWING in the midst of your darkness…Remember to self check. Recognize what baggage(s) you’re holding on to, recognized your triggers, and find ways to remove them. Ask God to help you cast your cares onto him.

And though it may seem tough when no one recognizes your pain. Take it as a blessing, and a sign that God is with you when you have a GLOW IN THE DARK.

Matthew 5:16

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

 

“Turning Negatives Into Positives, One Blog at a Time…”- Passionate Woman


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16 Thoughts on “Glow In The Dark”

  • Wow I loved the message behind this blog. It’s always important to never kick yourself while your are feeling down and even though you are not feeling your best, others can always see the Glow in you!

  • Courtney I love this !!!!!! Sometimes we get tired of being strong and just need a damn break! But us strong people have a story to tell! Keep inspiring and you rock that glow

  • Yes Courtney!!! This was everything and more! You inspire me everyday with your positive attitude and I am happy that you can share your peace and positivty with everyone! Love your girl!

  • I can truly relate to all of this. It means a lot to have someone share their story. Just to know i’m not alone encourages me to maybe one day share my story. Awesome blog!

  • We all go through things in life. The good is that you didn’t lose your Glow. Keep making it happen.

  • enjoyed reading your piece and it seems as if each picture really captured the essence of your glow!
    Also you are the 1st person I’ve seen to have a legal disclaimer on their blog…I may need to look into this
    Also, God has us and while it sometimes we are literally thrown in the midst of battles people don’t see, but God renews our strength each day, so stay encouraged…and keep glowing in the dark!

  • Great read! I completely agree that strong people get tired of being strong sometimes. I believe the people sometimes look at our strength or GLOW and assume that we don’t need love and encouragement too. I’m so glad that you shed light on this topic!

  • I really fell in love with this post. I guess I’m glowing in the dark as well. Lord is always working it out. No matter what test or “failure” he is building and strengthening us to rise above. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • This was an amazing piece. Your comment about hearing “you’re so strong” and being lowkey insulted really spoke to me. People automatically assume it’s a compliment but it sort of makes you feel even lonelier in times when you appear strong but are really struggling.

  • This is such a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. Some of these points are obviously hard to share.. especially when you never know who is reading.

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