I used to think to myself, “THANK GOD I don’t look like what I’m going through…”.
Now days I’m like “$#%@h did you not hear me say I’m struggling”? LMAO, excuse the language, but can I get real?
The past few months have been quite the test. I’ve had to walk on ice, eggshells, and even walk through the fire it seems. I’ve had to fall on my face in prayers to ask…well, actually beg for God’s mercy. I’ve had to face humility and take a few L’s. I’ve had to uncomfortably hustle.
In my latest blog “Document: Adjusting in Atlanta”, I’ve shared a few of my personal roadblocks, as well as frustrations. I’ve found that despite all the mess I was going through, God blessed me with a GLOW!
In fact, as I was enduring my many growing pains, there were many times I wanted to be angry. I wanted to be vengeful and give back the same energy being presented to me.
Without being told, I found myself turning the other cheek. I decided not to complain [well my close friends heard it all], but adjust and solve each problem the best way I knew how.
From walking away from someone I thought was a best friend, to dealing with betrayal from strangers. I found myself losing control more and more everyday, but somehow I remained with a GLOW…
One day I found myself getting frustrated. Like maybe I’m being too nice. Maybe you’re taking too much ownership, because no one else is owning up to their bullshit, and by you taking up your faults, you’re drawing all the attention to yourself. Maybe you’re being too considerate of others who honestly don’t give a shit about you… [Excuse my language…but can we get real?]
Well on this good day, I also had a friend share with me part of a recording from her bible study that week. The pastor said something along the lines of “..you’re not weak, you’re just operating in God’s peace..”. It was in that moment that I realized, my spirit was still aligned with God’s grace, God’s peace. I didn’t have it in me to be angry about the things that everyone swore to me they would’ve handle in a messy way.
Again, still losing control and taking the punches, I’ve remained with a GLOW…
One day I cried so bad and took a look into the mirror and felt completely ashamed of myself. I told my boyfriend how I felt so ugly and how I’m just tired. My eyes were red and I rubbed off my mascara, my eyebrows weren’t filled in, I looked a hot mess!
But somehow he still saw beauty in me. Chances are he was just gassing me up as a boyfriend should when you’re down, but for whatever reason he saw my GLOW…
On another day, I had to go into my supervisor’s office to explain a mistake I made, but before I could get to it, she let me know, “I believe in you and your success…” Although we had to get through some negative feedback, she saw my GLOW…
So why do I share all of this? Well sometimes people like myself are going through hell, or at least it seems that way. Sometimes many of us are strong because literally that’s our only option.
As a matter of fact, there was one day I had someone compliment me for being strong, instead of taking it as a compliment, I felt insulted. Why? Because sometimes people get tired of being strong. Sometimes despite our internal GLOW, we just need a hug, or a day with no responsibilities. Although we may be doing just fine problem solving to get through, we just need a hug or a phone call just to pray. Sometimes what may seem as a congratulations, may simply be just a breath of fresh air.
So if you have a friend that you see going through it, but still has a GLOW…Remember to still check in. Recognize when you see someone operating in anxiety, and if you can, offer an activity that drives relief-relaxation.
If you’re the person GLOWING in the midst of your darkness…Remember to self check. Recognize what baggage(s) you’re holding on to, recognized your triggers, and find ways to remove them. Ask God to help you cast your cares onto him.
And though it may seem tough when no one recognizes your pain. Take it as a blessing, and a sign that God is with you when you have a GLOW IN THE DARK.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
“Turning Negatives Into Positives, One Blog at a Time…”- Passionate Woman